I’m sitting in my new house (the owner of the old one got married, never mind, long story) surrounded by a ton of thick cartons, all of which lie unpacked – cello-tape shining on all of them. There are suitcases of different sizes lying around, a couple of bags are on top of a stool, the TV is upside down, and I don’t have a fan. I didn’t even have electricity or water until about an hour back, but the watchman + electrician + plumber helped me fix it. He was working on the light in the hall, but I now notice he’s not there, he’s probably run down to get something. He’s left the door wide open, I’m too exhausted to get up and shut it. It’s also pouring outside (I don’t care how much you like the rains in Bombay, I don’t – I hate the rains from the bottom of my heart) it just hasn’t stopped raining since the morning. It looks like it’s going to take time for him to come back, and I probably should shut the door, but I cannot be convinced to move.
My phone vibrates next to me, it’s an email from one of the program managers at Teach For India, and the email serves as another one of the many reminders I’ve had today, that the new academic year is about to start in 2 days.
And that reminder changes the mood in my head all-together, it is both – an extremely exciting and an extremely terrifying thought to harbor – neither of which I have managed to come to terms with.
The last year in class was great, really. The Just For Kicks finals, the literacy data, the quiz and art workshops every Saturday, the Avsara scholarships, the dance performance(s), the End Of Year showcase and everything else in between.
And that’s why I’m excited about the coming year – we did really well as a team last year, and this year we really have the opportunity to step it up and take it to the next level.
But I’ll admit, I’m also terrified looking ahead – partly because of the success of the last year, partly because its my last year with the kids and partly because things have changed so much in the last 2 months.
I don’t have Mary with me this year (I have Ruchita now as my new co-teacher and she’s great, but suddenly I’m the second year fellow and my co – teacher is the first year one – it was just SO much easier the other way around with Mary calling all the shots), we’re no longer a primary class – we’re a secondary class doing the morning shift from 7am to 12.30pm (god knows what’s going to happen to early morning football practice), some of my students are not with me anymore and my HM (she’s a terrific lady, great personality) tells me some new ones will join too.
It’s just overwhelming trying to look ahead, because I honestly don’t know what this year holds, I don’t know what to expect for my kids and me. I don’t know how we’re going to do, where we are going to fail and where we are not, I don’t know if I feel ready for all thats expected and more and its just too much to process sitting here on the bean bag, waiting for the watchman to come back.
But one thing is for certain, I realize that regardless of how this year goes, I’d want to document thoroughly the things I do this year; because I feel like I’d want to come back and dissect everything I do this year, sometime later in life, more than the years before.
And thats because I feel like this will be the year, during which I will the make the mistakes that I will learn from the most. I also feel like this will be year that will take my breath away, because I finally feel like I’m ready to experience the success I’ve always set myself up for. I’m also aware, that this year there is more at stake, and definitely more responsibility to shoulder than before, and I know I must step up, and do all that I need to do.
Its partly why I’m writing again, right now even, because like I said, I know this year will be eventful, and I must begin the process by writing down all that’s in my head, 2 days before the start of the second year, so I can continue to document this year as it unfolds before me (and you).
Here’s simply looking forward to the success and the failures of a new, kickass second year of the fellowship.
Watchman uncle’s back now, I feel this urgent need to get off the couch and help him with the light bulb in the hall now. I must go. I’m actually raring to go.